


It's All... Ogre?

by rage_quitter



Category: Rooster Teeth/Achievement Hunter RPF
Genre: Fake AH Crew, Immortality, Temporary Character Death
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-23
Updated: 2015-06-23
Packaged: 2018-04-05 18:02:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 790
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4189626
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rage_quitter/pseuds/rage_quitter
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Of all the things for them to argue about, it was a meme.</p>
            </blockquote>





	It's All... Ogre?

**Author's Note:**

> A prompt from anonymous on Tumblr: Prompt?????? FAHC (immortal or not you choose) Gavin and Michael getting into a really intense argument about something very stupid and it ends in a police chase and 7 casualties bonus points for Ryan shutting them both down
> 
> Set in the same universe as my Immortal Fake AH Crew AU.

Of all the things for them to argue about, it was a meme.

It was stupid, menial, and pointless.

It was a dumb argument they started when playing some Slender knock-off game. It was over how actually scary Shrek was.

Gavin was kind of terrified of him. Michael told him it was a fictional character.

“But he’s so creepy, _Micool_!” Gavin exclaimed. “Damn green bastard!”

“He’s also not fucking real!” Michael kept a firm hand on the keyboard. “Go to the left.”

“But what if he’s there?” Gavin whimpered.

“I don’t care! We need to get the fuckin’ whatever we’re collecting.”

“Onions,” Ray supplied from his seat where he was watching them play.

Gavin whined throughout the game, arguing with Michael over the creepy factor of the cartoon ogre. Ray thought it was the funniest thing, even when Michael turned his rage on him. Eventually, they were so busy fighting that they didn’t see Shrek on the screen until it was too late. Gavin shrieked and jumped back from the computer, hands flying up to cover his face.

“God fucking DAMN IT, GAVIN!” Michael shouted, tackling Gavin to the floor. “Get over it!”

“Michael, get off!” Gavin yelled, struggling to get away from Michael’s fists. “Ya big fat oaf!”

“I’ll show you-” Michael threatened. 

“N-n-n-n-n-n-!” Ray started to protest, but he was too late to stop Michael from grabbing a pistol off of a nearby table and putting a bullet in Gavin’s skull. “Michael!”

Michael stood up, still angry. “Tell Geoff I’m going out,” he growled to Ray. He grabbed a machine gun on his way out the door. Ray sighed as Gavin’s body crumbled to dust.

When Gavin respawned, he was absolutely livid. Michael shot him for no reason! They weren’t even on a job or anything! He stormed over a car at a stoplight and banged at the window. “’Scuse me, sir, I need your car,” he said, yanking open the door. The man looked startled, then yelped as Gavin yanked him out of the car and took his seat. Gavin drove off for the nearest Ammu-Nation, barley a block away.

He needed a new shotgun anyway, and wanted to get a gold–painted SMG. Armed and angry, he returned to the car and started heading back to Michael’s apartment.

Michael was marching out of the apartment. Gavin slammed on the gas and drove the car right into Michael, crushing him against the building. He watched Michael turn to dust and backed up. “Now we’re even!” He yelled, even though he knew Michael wouldn’t hear him.

Michael was not happy with this when he returned.

Ryan was enjoying a nice afternoon walking his dog when the ground trembled. He stopped and looked farther downtown. He could see smoke rising in the distance and hear sirens. “Oh, you motherfuckers,” he muttered. “Come on, boy, we gotta cut our walk short. I have some idiots to kill.”

Too annoyed to paint his face, Ryan shrugged on his jacket and put on his mask. The dog happily sprawled out on his sofa as Ryan packed up an assortment of weapons and headed to his garage.

He slid into the Zentorno and pulled out on to the road, grumbling curses in Latin under his breath.

He spotted them finally, in an intersection among the smoking wrecks of cars and several burnt corpses, weapons cast aside, fist fighting and screaming curses at each other.

They hadn’t seen Ryan. He took a pistol in each hand and walked over to them. They paused, fists raised to strike.

Without a word, Ryan shot them both point blank in the face.

He waited in his car for them to return, texting Ray about what had happened. Those fucking idiots, he thought.

Within minutes a very angry Team Nice Dynamite was knocking at his window. He rolled it down. “Yo.”

“Don’t you fucking ‘yo’ me, you psycho!”

“What the hell, Ryan?”

Ryan waved a hand at the destruction. “All this. Over a fucking video game. A video game ripped off of another video game, about a fictional character from a movie turned meme on the internet.”

The boys gave each other a guilty look.

“Sorry, Ryan,” they chorused.

“Don’t apologize to me,” Ryan said. “You were the ones killing each other and fighting. I was the intervention. Kiss and make up, boys.”

Michael sighed. “Gavin, I’m sorry I killed you and started this.”

“Sorry for smashing you into a wall,” Gavin replied. 

“There, see? All better. Now if you’ll excuse me, I have a dog to feed.” Ryan saluted the lads and drove away.

The lads picked up their discarded, ammo-less weapons and started walking back to the Jones’s apartment.

“Who’s scarier,” Gavin started, “Ryan or Shrek?”

**Author's Note:**

> The game is Swamp Sim Horror and was inspired by Markiplier's video of it.   
> Also, Ryan's dog's name is Skylax. He has his own little origin story that may or may not be posted here, but is on my tumblr.


End file.
